Still Remains: Confessions of a Werewolf
by slashgoddess1031
Summary: Was Remus imagining things, that night in the astromomy tower? Is Sirius in love with him, or is he just a other plaything of the week? As time moves on he finally knows...changed the summary
1. Thats What u Get

This is not a Diary! As Sirius and James call it, it's simply a journal I write my thoughts in… as James would say, "You don't need anymore books!"

Anyway… Dear journal I write thoughts in:

Black, sure it's nothing more than a color, a color of the unknown, unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness. However… lately it seems so much more to me, I love the unknown, I am apart of the darkness. It's nothing serious… but it seems to me it is. Just a midnight snog in the astronomy tower to him and the biggest secret of his life.

Only Prongs knows… Peter would slip and tell, Lily has a sneaking suspicion there is something going on, every time she would come up into our room Sirius and me would quickly break apart from hugging, holding each other or he would jump into his bed, its quite funny. Seeing him jump at least two feet into a other bed, I wonder if he can fly and don't know it? I told him he should join that muggle show with the wild animals where the muggles fly and eat swords; he just laughed at me and told me to go to a support group for chocolateichs. I doubt Sirius thinks anything about me other than a best friend, its sad to think that one of your best friends is using you for sexual favors.

It was quite weird the first time anything happened, very weird in fact. It was full moon and we were all outside of the shrieking shack just running around and playing in the grass. Prongs was lying by a tree eating an apple, being tired from all the running around we had done and Wormtail was still chasing after Padfoot's tail. I decided to join in on the fun and started running after them. After he had realized I was behind him, he stopped in his tracks and turned towards me, let out a thunderous howl and jumped onto my back.

We started rolling around in the grass as Wormtail jumped up and down in excitement watching us wrestle, but in the end, Padfoot won. By pawing me in the face, I fell down on the ground and he pinned himself over me, his paws on mine. His grey eyes stared in mine as a sign of victory, but I saw so much more, I had no clue why I hadn't seen it before. Maybe it wasn't a kiss after all, but in the dog world it was, he bent his head down to my ear and playfully bit my ear.

I started fighting him, because I am very ticklish and he knew that, before I knew it he had licked my mouth, he kept it there for what seemed the longest time and he slowly moved off me. Maybe it wasn't a kiss? However, in the canine world it surely was, I wish we weren't in Animagus form. It would have felt so much more and had more feeling, James had seen what happened, but didn't think anything because it was normal for Sirius to run up to James and playfully kiss him on the cheek.

Sirius, playboy of the school, and he's snogging me instead of other girls, its really odd. He still talks about them, but not like he used to, he still flirts, but not around me. I surely hope he don't think I would get into a catfight with them or anything. I'm not in love with him, it just feels so good to be held by him, he's a much better kisser than any girl I have kissed. I'll write to you later, he's in here giving me that look, plus Peter and James is gone with Lily. SCORE!

Remus

"Moony!"

"Padfoot."

"With a other book I see," he said picking up my journal by tha cover as if it had a disease.

"I will give you a whole box of chocolate if I can burn all your books, those eyes are going to lose they're sparkle."

"That's very tempting, but you don't care about my eyes."

"Of course I do! Even….." he said throwing the book, with his index finger in the air circling it, and eventually pointing down to the middle of my jeans, where Sirius says 'it' puts the beast in werewolf.

"Here."

I stared at him for a second… That glare in his eyes, that sexy grin, my heart about to bust out of my chest. I slowly moved my hand from my side and ran it under his fingers where they still lied on my 'beast'.

"I know you like mine, but we wouldn't know about that… yet... have we." He put a strong input on yet.

"We'll find out soon enough." I said in a tone that was very unlike my own.

He let out a low growl, and parted his hand from mine, placed it beside me and I saw him lift himself up on the bed by his knees. It made me nervous, his knees were at my feet where his hands were placed on each side of my arse. His face… was directly at my knees. He stayed there staring at me, with that bad boy look he gave all the girls, and slowly crawled up towards me like a cat.

"Rem…us… "He said very slowly.

"Sirius."

"I always knew I wanted in your bed, I just didn't know why." He said still slowly crawling to my face.

"I do.. You said it was so much softer… I should have known better."

His face was now over top of mine, his hands softly raced each other up my sides, which made me shake, laced into my fingers, and lifted him in the air, carrying them over my head. He pinned my arms there holding my hands, and I remembered our first kiss. His gorgeous grey eyes, I felt as if I could look into his soul and tell every secret he held.

"You bring out the rebel in me." He whispered as his lips met with my ear and he slowly started kissing my temple, leading down to my neck.

I didn't want to make much of a commotion, I didn't want him to know how much he bothered me, how he filled every passion I have ever dreamed of. Without meaning to, my body rubbed around on the bed as he kissed and took little bites all along my neck, I started to hear him moan, and then I felt I had no more control over my own body.

My hands climbed out of Sirius' hold and found they're fav place on his hips, I held them there gripping with every kiss. I prayed for him to kiss my lips, he was going to be in trouble if he didn't move away from my neck, I ran my hands onto his soft perfect stomach and up his shirt, and over his chest. This time he jeered, his whole body was shaking.

"That's what you get." I whispered.


	2. Redberries

I always imaged James or Peter coming into the room while me and Sirius was…. Well… not suitable for eyes and us just being embarrassed where as James would probably faint or run back out of the room. Peter would more than likely say, "Guys! Why are you playing jump frog in bed!" as James covered his own eyes and dragged him out the door. Lucky enough we stopped… Doing what we were doing after awhile, because Sirius didn't want to go any farther right then. It was odd, I thought I would be saying lets stop for now, but it was him this time, I was rather shocked… I guess that's a new fantasy for me.

The only fantasy I have that is.

Before James' late arrival, Sirius had left to satisfy a random craving for strawberries. I was lying against my pillows and reading a book when he smiled while barely making it into the room.

"You look like the cat that got the mouse." I said as he fell down on his bed.

"Oh I am, Moony my friend." He said dreamily staring up at the dark red canopy.

"What did Lily do this time, allow you to hug her?" I said also with a big grin on my face but I tried to hide it.

"No… Ohhh the gods are merciful! The gods are great!"

After about two or three rounds of watching James, worship the… whomever's… I decided to stop him and ask him why the gods were so wonderful this time of night. Especially right now.

"It finally happened Moony, right here." He said still lying on his back pointing at his lips.

"No…" I said with a huge smile most happy for my other best friend.

"YES!" he shouted as he jumped up on the bed his head touching the canopy, but he didn't care… it seemed.

"Well Prongs ole buddy, I must say I'm proud of you."

"Oh I am to... And to celebrate my victory and my unbelievably happiness… We're having a party this weekend!" he said jumping off his bed and onto mine. He had perfected this, doing almost every morning for seven years anyone would.

"Be sure not to tell Padfoot, you know how he gets at parties."

"That's why I love parties! And that's why I love Sirius." He said with a laugh. "Come on Moony! I can invite Evans! Pleasee… Party with us."

"Alright Prongs, you talked me into it." I said grabbing a hold of his ankle and pulling him until he fell down on the bed.

"Oh Moony!" He said in a girlish tone, clapping his hands together and pressing them against his chest. "Don't want to get Sirius jealous now do we?"

I just pushed him on the chest playfully that he feel back at the foot of the bed and started laughing, I don't know why I don't like to talk about it… It's just weird to me. I get embarrassed at times when James jokes about us, but when Sirius says anything about… us… I feel fine.

"Maybe we will both get some love!" James said using his toes to poke at me in the leg. "Euuu Moony!"

"James… Stop or do I have to go get a certain Head Girl?"

Just about that time, Sirius walked back in the dorm, with a giant smile and a bowl full of… I couldn't tell at the moment.

"Hello my dear friends, anybody interested in some chocolate and redberrys?" Sirius said closing the door, holding his big blue bowl.

"I wonder what those are for!" James shouted out with a big grin, rolling around on the bed.

"Hush that best friend… They're for me, of course." He said looking at me out of the corner of his eye, complete with a wink.

He took a seat down on his bed that was on the other side of me… The right side to be precise. Him with that grin again, darn him. He always had that look when he looked at me, or maybe it was me wishing he always did. He sat there innocently, his legs crossed leaning against his pillows… Taking a piece of cut up strawberry and slowly dipping it into the melted chocolate.

Drip

Drip

Drip

Went the chocolate back into the bowl as he lifted the colorful strawberry to his lips. Or redberry as Sirius calls them, it seemed it was in slow motion, watching him was making me dizzy. It made me want him again so bad, I knew he was just doing that to make me go insane… And it was working.

Very well. And the smell of that chocolate wasn't helping.

"Well Mates! I'm going to turn in… And have sweet dreams about a certain red haired Head Girl." James rolling off my bed and heading to his own.

"Nite Prongs! If I see you doing anything under those sheets I shall come and stop you." Sirius said with a big grin, which was covered in chocolate.

"And if I see two heads in one bed I shall come and stop you also!"

"Aww… I'll give you a redberry if you don't." he said with a puppy face holding up a strawberry.

"Padfoot… Let me ask you a question." He said getting his night clothes from his trunk. "Why do you call them redberrys? They're strawberrys."

"That's what you think… But they're red! I mean… Come on… Straws have nothing to do with them!"

"Whatever you say." He laughed sitting on his bed taking off his shirt to change into his old Quidditch World Cup shirt.

"You've had that forever, I lost mine." I said taking a closer look at his shirt, where the holes had covered most of the front.

"I think it's at my house… But anyway I'm turning in, night mates."

"How interesting." Sirius said without lifting up his head, putting an other strawberry in his mouth.

Excited would be an understatement right now, I couldn't explain how I felt, all I knew was I really wanted his sexy arse in my bed with that bowl of chocolate and 'redberrys'. Interesting indeed I thought, it was just a matter of time until he came crawling over to my bed, I just wish he would hurry.

Damn it Sirius; get your ass over here. Watching him eating each strawberry very slowly, I wondered if I could do a silence charm on James' four-poster and he wouldn't be able hear us. I'm pretty sure I can… I just never tried before. I wish those gorgeous grey eyes would look up at me, it was making me unbalanced.

"What's interesting Padfoot?"

"Oh nothing Moony oh pal… Nothing." He said. AGAIN… not lifting up his head.

That was it, I decided I would just have to simply jump him. Yep that was it… Right onto his lap… But it was kind of hard to move. Darn him and his strawberries.

"Padfoot?"

"Yes Moony."

"Get your ass over here."

He finally rose up his head with sort of a shocked look while I heard a silent "OH GAW!" from James in the next bed.

"Why?"

Oh he was good, I wasn't playing his games, getting myself all hot and bothered and then him saying he was tried or just laughing it off like the tease he was. He did that once to me, and it wasn't very nice at all, I saw what my canine friend was up to… He wanted me to make the first move but I wasn't going to give in. I wanted him to be the one to beg.

After two seconds of looking at his grey eyes, I wanted to be the one to beg.

"Because I want you and those strawberries close to me as possible."

He flashed me that famous grin and stepped over to my bed, soaking a strawberry in the chocolate mixture and lowered it to my lips.

"Who yah love?" he spoke smiling holding the strawberry between his fore finger and thumb upon my lips as the chocolate dripped on my cheek.

"Sirius." I laughed.

"Good Moony."

He lowered the strawberry as I expanded my mouth and he it settled against each of my pale lips, his fingers dragged across them in a delicate way as I tasted the goodness of the melted chocolate and the sweet tang of the redberry. I leaned my head back and moaned as my eyes closed. Feeling the warmness of the chocolate roll over my tongue, I felt him raise onto my bed his hand dragging across every part of me. I parted my eyes and came to see him standing over me, with his bowl… grin intact.

He slowly lowered himself to me, I watching his every move, he stared at me so deeply his hand resting on my stomach as his arse took a seat on my ever growing harder shaft. He lied the bowl down on my stomach where he hand once were, and dipped his finger into the chocolate… swirled it a few times then removed it and gave me a half eyebrow look as he came closer to me.

"Want a bite?"

Of course I do you silly boy.

Taking a hold of his hand, my head raised from the pillow and I placed his finger in my mouth, circling his finger with my tongue feeling and tasting Sirius in so many ways, I looked up at him… He had his eyes closed, I could barely hear him, but he was moaning. Now that wouldn't do… I decided to make him a little louder.


	3. Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad

But nothing more happened. He sat on my stomach and fed me the rest of the strawberries, a sweet kiss between each. It seemed to take forever for that bowl to empty. But I loved the attention I was getting from him. It was wonderful. I didn't feel like his plaything any longer. He made me feel like something precious even though we both liked to make each other feel good inside. To moan, to scream from pleasure, he did it all. And now he was lying in my arms, asleep.

Sure, it was fun to be a little naughty at times, like he always was, but he surprised me when he placed the last strawberry in my mouth, kissed my forehead softly, and said, "I want to sleep with you tonight."

It was unexpected; maybe the strawberries messed with something in his mind. I was sure he would have said something like, "Oh Moony, I've dripped chocolate all over your pants. Time to take them off!" But he didn't, and the most that did come off was his shirt.

That's what you call fun.

To see a beautifully half-naked Sirius in your bed, showing off that Quidditch physique, that perfect chest, complete with equally perfect muscled arms grabbing at your hips…the way he arched his back with every lick you took…

I combed through his thick black hair with my fingers but kept those tiny strands in his face. They made him look so elegant, like a painting. His head was on my chest. I could see him smile, and I wondered for a second what he was dreaming about. I slowly took my free hand and slid it down my side to where one of his hands lay limp and tangled his fingers into mine.

Strawberries…chocolate…Sirius was in my arms, and to think the full moon was just two weeks away. I was scared to death; the full moon always did something to me. It filled me with pain and anger, made me imagine I had no reason at all to be here.

_Why do you put up with it, Remus? You know you can make it stop. _

I would often hear myself think that. I have never told James or Sirius. They would worry about me, this black hole I've dug for myself. But Sirius' hands would touch my skin, the shock would break my disease, and I could breathe. He washes all my wounds for me, the darkness in my veins that I never could explain.

_Are you that strong to carry on? _

He can save me.

* * *

Classes were either a blessing or a curse. When Sirius was in my classes, he had a tendency to get so close to me I could actually smell him; maybe it was the werewolf inside. It was a curse. His smell drove over me like a sweet aroma from the most beautiful flower in the greenhouse. The blessing, however, was when I alone in my other classes. Without him to bother me, I had time to concentrate on my work. I actually did my work instead of having an incredibly gorgeous Sirius breathing down my neck or meeting my eyes when I would innocently look over at him…and the notes. _Sigh_. Those notes written on tiny pieces of parchment torn out of the corner. 

Sometimes I wonder how he got to be the way he is. That motorcycle, his dog collar, his barbed wire hoop earring, and the way he talks could make anyone blush and suggest a dark empty room on the third floor.

"Moony!" James shouted, running down the hallway towards me as soon as my foot touched the floor outside of my Charms class. "Is my other best friend ready for some partying tonight?"

"If you say I am," I said, lowering my head with a smile as we walked along the noisy hallway. "Did you ask Lily?"

"You would have been proud," he said, pitching the front of his robes.

"So she said yes."

"Kind of. She said she had mountains of homework to do and had to help Dumbledore with something."

"And?" I asked as we walked down the Great Hall steps and towards the grounds.

"You know me too well." He laughed, hitting me in the shoulder." I said, 'Evans, it's the weekend. You've got plenty of time!' Then she gave me that look, you know the one I love, when she tilts her head and her eyes get small and she sticks out her lips?"

"Of course I do." I wished I hadn't asked about Lily at all. "You show me all the time," I said, feeling very unenthusiastic, as I took a seat at our normal spot under the tree.

"Well, she gave me the look, and then she told me maybe after she finished helping Dumbledore, but I wouldn't take no for an answer! I…"

"Great job, Cap'n Prongs!"

Sirius scared the wolf out of me, as I like to say. He snuck up behind me as James was still going on about Lily, grabbed me around the waist, bit my back, and continued to shout in my ear. Quite frankly, I enjoyed it.


	4. Said Party

Normally within ten seconds the whole castle knew about the party, people I had never seen before started coming up to us in the common room and asked what kind of drinks would be fine to bring because they knew people who had uncles or brothers who would sneak him butterbeer and firewhiskey. James was lying along in the floor by the fireplace with Sirius as I sat up on the couch above them doing a bit of Charms homework before all broke loose later on into the night.

"Excellent! Bring at least two," James said, paused for a moment, and while staring out into space he shouted out, "Or three!"

"Or four, were not picky it surely won't go to waste," Sirius said adding onto James' sentence.

"You know guys Lily and I are prefects, we're suppose to stop this kind of thing."

"I can't wait until you drink tonight, then you can't mess up our fun."

"There was no talk of drinking!"

"There is always talk of drinking, you just never hear about it because all you do is waste it."

"Ok, guys I'll see you tonight," A long brown haired Ravenclaw girl said before she walked away with a wink throwing her hair over her shoulder.

"Capt'n Padfoot, aye there be a Prefect here tonight!" he told Sirius for what seemed to be the millionth time, as he lied by my feet.

"How can both of you be captains, its not possible," I said bowing my head as I slowly moved my book over to my lap.

"Because it's just that simple, I'm Prongs and he's Padfoot, you are a captain to!"

Ah, Prongs he never cest's to amaze me and be so commonly random, that's one of the many reasons I love him like a brother. And also as a best mate, I really do see a future for him with Lily unlike many people do she is really seeing the changed and grown up James. I'm going to be really happy for him one of these days.

"When does this highly against school rules party going to begin?" asked a voice behind James.

He was sure he had gone blind but then realized it was just someone's hands over his eyes.

"Ah… Who is it Moony?"

I looked up to see a red faced Lily in a fit of giggles while trying to keep a straight face.

"It's our favorite red haired girl!" Sirius said almost screaming in James' ear.

James quickly turned over, which caused Lily's legs to be knocked out from under her and fell upon him and Sirius.

"Um… This is a nice mental image," he said with his infamous cocky grin.

Lily just laughed, fixed herself to lye in between the two with her legs propped onto James stomach.

"Oh…" she moaned softly, "This is what you call comfy!"

"Oh come off it Evans," James said laughing. "And we start getting unbelievably drunk when we get our supplies."

"You know I can't get drunk James!"

"Yes you can!" Sirius said as he crawled slowly up on the couch and laid his head in my lap.

"Padfoot, aren't you aware I'm working?"

"Hush my loveable-who-works-to-much Moony, and enjoy myself in your lap."

As Lily and James talked amongst themselves, and myself running my fingers through Sirius' hair as I read, I started thinking about the night ahead. I know Sirius very well and one thing that will always stick in my mind is Padfoot is extremely wild at parties, not that isn't wild sober, it's like Sirius X3. He is also usually all over everyone at said party with said alcohol in his system, so this makes me wonder.

Will he be all over me, or all over some random girl?

Now I sound like a girl, not like I would mind if he did, but as I look down onto his closed eyes, I couldn't imagine him to be with anyone else.

* * *

"Here Moony, drink this!" 

The drinking and the partying was underway, so was James to get me drunk, this was at least his third or fourth attempt, I don't think I have seen the common room so full before.

"What is it?" I asked pushing the bottle away.

"It's alcohol, that's all that matters!"

Seeing James' eyes sparkle, and Sirius strip dance over top of a first year made me give in, I grabbed the bottle and gave my best fake smile.

"Good mate!"

I took a sip and about spit it out I couldn't see how they drank so much of this stuff.

"Remy…You're drinking!" Sirius said as he dived over the couch and landed onto the floor, shirtless.

"This is disgusting, how can you drink it?"

"Drink what… uhh… Lily! Yah… Lily… Drink what she has!"

"I'll just drink this," I said as I took another drink.

Shirtless Sirius is such a wonderful work of art, it made me want to take him right there, on the couch.

"Gives me a kissy Remy!"

Before I knew anything was happening, he was up on my lap, his legs folded back at his knees, his hands on each of my cheeks, I leaned forward and met him halfway; our lips touched just slightly at first, more breathing than kissing and then he pushed me back against the couch.

* * *

_Hey guys! i finally got this chapter up! dont worry the party isnt over yet... not by a long shot :) im going to write more on this later tonight... and ill have a really good scene thats full of r/s yummy goodness... yay for drunken marauders! thanks so much for the excellent reviews.. i love them.. :) keep reviewing! 3 3 _


	5. He Laughed, I smiled

I slowly moved my hands from my hips to the sides of his stomach, and crept my fingers up his sides, I softly dragged them up to where I could feel his hips and slowly back down to his waist. He shoke, and started to moan as we were still breathing each other's air.

"Sirius how much have you drank." I asked, as my forehead rested on his barely an inch from each other.

He laughed and I smiled.

"I… kind of don't remember,"

"Ok how about another question,"

"Go ahead love." he said as he took hold of my hand.

"Are you sober enough to remember if anything happens tonight?

There was a pause, and he looked down at my fingers wrapped around his he bought them up to his mouth and gave them a long tender kiss.

"I'm sorry if I …" he began to say but he would not let me.

"No moony, I want to answer your question." he whispered, looking straight into my eyes.

"If anything did happen between us nothing would stop me from remembering,"

"Good." I replied as I moved in for another kiss.

"Whooh! Guys!"

It was James who was clearly drunk, a cup of fire whiskey in his hand and a butterbeer in his pocket.

"Yes Prongsie?" I asked as soon as my lips parted from his.

"You guys! Are … kissing!" he said, then bent down to look at us, pointed at Sirius and said in a very serious tone, "You… are druuuunk,"

"Right on mate!"

"Whooo!" James shouted, kissed Sirius on the head and proceeded to run off to Lily.

"That was entertaining." I said holding the bottom of my chin.

"Oh, I'll you… come on,"

"Where to?" I asked as he grabbed my hand as he stood up.

* * *

"Mr. Moony!" Sirius shouted out as he tripped over the last step and fell face-first onto the soft red carpet of the boy's dormauity.

"Yes Sirius?"

"Um… These roses are beautiful!"

I stood in the doorway for a second, thinking about what he said, and shake my head from side to side and asked, "What roses?"

"These ones I fell on!"

Then I noticed him picking strings of yard and placing them in his hand. I am not even going to ask. I thought to myself as I walked towards my bed.

"Remmy! Come and get me! Oh… No! It's raining!" he said rolling over on his back, covering his face.

"Oh bloody hell,"

It was raining but of course, not in the boy's dormitory, it was pouring outside so he easily heard it as it tapped at the window. It felt as if I were dragging a bag of clement across the floor; Sirius giggled and kicked the floor because he said I was tickling him. As he giggled, I kept a large smile on my face; I loved to see him laugh. We got up to my bed, and he grabbed a hold of the bed curtains as he laid half off.

"Woo, I'm falling!"

I just sighed and pulled him onto the bed, sitting with my legs pulled up to my chest, my chin resting on my knees, and I… just starred at him, his gray eyes closed. Those beautiful muscular arms folded behind his head. I sat there… Scared, scared to look at him, thinking I could never have him other than just his body. I did not want to admit it but I loved him, for such a long time too. I just would not amment it to myself, ever since I told him, James and peter about my secret. He looked at me with such trust and understanding in his eyes.

I would not doubt it for one second if it were he who came up with the idea to become animag. Being lost in thought, I did not even see Sirius sit up and put his hands over my knees until he kissed my arm.

"Remmy"

"Yes Padfoot,"

"Do you like my eyes?"

"Of course I do," with a bow of my head and a tough gulp I said, "Their beautiful,"

My head was still bowed, my eyes down in my lap, I felt his hand barely grace my chi and raise my head up.

"Close your eyes and make a wish,"

I closed them almost automatically; a second passed when I felt my wish had come true, Sirius soft lips pressed against mine. His tongue parted my lips and slid slowly into the cave of my mouth, it felt like our lips were tripping over each other. The way he was kissing me, so slow, so delicate, it was our best kiss yet. It was exactly what I had wished for, a kiss… full of passion.

As our lips parted, my eyes were meant to meet with his, but his closed eye clashes touched my nose.

"Sirius." came from my lips as my blue eyes stared at his closed ones. "Open your eyes,"

However, I did not see two beautiful gray stars staring back at me, instead he moved his hands from my knee caps quickly up to my neck and pressed in again for another kiss. He pushed onto me, my legs somehow finding their way underneath his, in the perfect way. Our stomachs rubbed against each other, fast, but in a slow way. If that made any sense but in that place and time it was most understandable, The tiny strands of his hair combed my face, each time his body would move a different way, as his head turned side to side, devouring my lips completely.

Getting into the kiss would have been considered an understandment at that moment, but nonetheless, Sirius pulled away and asked "How's now for opening my eyes?"

I laughed and he smiled.

"Perfect time," I said as I rose up and kissed his bare shoulder.

"Remmy." He said in sort of a dragged out tone.

"Yes Sirius?"

"There's something I have to tell you." He muttered sounding rather serious.

Right then I became nervous, what did he have to tell me? That he no longer had feelings for me. Air had started to fill up the gapping hole that had been made by the worry I experienced in those short seconds, I took a deep breath and as it closed, I asked.

"What is it?"

"Please believe me when I say this." Sirius said.

He took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said, "I love you."

"From the moment I saw fear in your eyes, of that first up coming moon, when we knew. I also knew then I wanted to be the one to ease that pain, to be the one to hold… until morning."

Suddenly I felt as if I were having a heart attack, but a pleasurable one. My face grew hot as my fingers timbered as they lied along his soft bare skin. I was more than speechless; all I could do was stare, my heart attack running its course. Nevertheless, his smile did not fade.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Came from those beautiful lips I knew too well.

My eyes almost closed automaily not being able to look at him any longer; surely, it would slow down my beating heart.

"Sirius,"

"Yes,"

"There are no words… To describe how I feel about you,"

Sirius fainted or he liked what he heard, his head fell onto my chest, arms tied tightly around my small stomach.

"But… I love you is close enough," I said as I stroked his hair.

"Prongs is going to kill us." Sirius whispered out laughing.

"Ah… Just as long as we don't ask him to join,"

I had never quite heard a noise like that before, especially from Sirius mouth. However, I figured I would be hearing a lot of it sooner than later.

"Remus john Lupin, how dare you say such things around me," he said jokily.

I laughed and said, "Oh, I'm sure you've had worse,"

"Well." He dragged out, "It is me after all, I have quite a mind,"

"Full of non useful things,"

"That's just because I don't spend day and night reading books without pictures that make no sense." Sirius said with a grin, sitting up to be eye level with mine.

"But they interest me so that's all that matters," I said watching the glaze pass over in his eyes.

"And the fact that I need to get you out of those clothes is all that matters also,"

After lowering my eyes, after his words soaked into my skin, I could not believe my ears. I chuckled, playboy Sirius, in love with a book loving shy werewolf.

"Sirius…" I could not speak; the words would not leave my lips.

"Talk to me,"

"Wouldn't this… even be… a little awkward? I mean all those girls…"

"Moony, listen to me… I will not lie to you, yes there were many girls, you and James knew about them, but… Nothing ever happened," he said nervously.

I stared at him, was I really to believe him? My best friend and the one person I loved most.

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YAY AN UPDATE! i hope you guys havent forgotten about me! finally a freakin update... GAH and please look over my grammer and stuff, i tryed really hard to look for a beta but no luck, ive had this written for a long tiem just had no place to type it up... anyway hope you like! REVIEWS!


	6. Together As One

His powerful lips pressed against mine, but yet he was so gentle.

"I don't want to hurt you." I heard him whisper.

"Don't worry,"

His soft slinger fingers moved gracefully down my chest and grabbed a hold of the end of my t-shirt and tugged hard upward with a sweet smile. Raising my arms above Sirius head, slowly my shirt was pulled apart from my arms and over my head and thrown over the bedside and onto the floor.

I wanted to say something, anything to make him know how excited and happy he was making me feel. I couldn't think of one single word, but this nagging sense of trying to think of the right thing to say was quickly chased out of my mind when Sirius unbuttoned my pants with his teeth.

"I don't even want to know where you learnt that," I said with a laugh in my voice.

He smiled, kissed my hipbone and said, "You really don't,"

My body automatically lifted off the bed as the remainder of my clothing ran down my legs following Sirius' fingers.

I started shaking.

"Remmy? Are… you ok?" he asked with a worried tone in his voice.

"Yes," "Yes I'm fine. I'm just a little nervous," "

We don't have to do this"

"I want to, I'm ok,"

All I could hear was the rain fall on the stone edges of the window, and Sirius' breathing. I had no clue of what to do, I don't think he did either. he started shaking when he tried to get inside of me, for some reason he stopped and let go of my hand and let his fingers slowly drag down my chest pass my faster and faster beating heart and down between my legs, I felt him enter me, I jumped.

He sweetly smiled and asked, "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," I breathed, grabbing a hold of his chain and pulling him closer for a kiss.

Harder and harder he pushed, I could barely catch my breath, I had my legs wrapped around his back so he could be closer to me, my hands grabbed his hipbones tight every time it hurt, but I didn't let him know. His forehead rested on mine as our bodies moved together trying to find a rhythm, every time I heard a creak of the bed I thought it was someone walking into the dorm. I got nervous and wanted to push him off but then I thought of how much of a rush it would be. I couldn't speak, all I could do was stare into his eyes, his hands lied tangled in my hair.

"Sirius…" I breathed, as his body moved slowly above mine.

"What is it,"

"Are you…. Ready"

"Yes,"

As we grabbed onto each other, I held him ever so tight as I let go. For one split second we were together as one, Sirius fell on top of me, kissed my forehead and immediacy fell asleep. I stayed awake a little longer, feeling him breathe. Combing his soft black hair, leaving traces of kisses all over his fingers. Eventually I fell sleep too, I was so thankful it was the weekend. We could lye in bed all day if we wanted, and if we didn't? that would be fine too.

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_The End guys! i didnt like the ending much... how about everyone else? i may change it when i post it around... So how did everyone like it? it sounds so much better when its finished, wouldnt you guys say so? and i will also have a update for Back At Hogwarts tomorrow! yay! hope you guys ijoyed this one! i love it so:) xoxoxoxoxoxo _

_REVEIWS LIKE CRAZY! _


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